In kinder moments, I can be proud of how I (just about) coped that year, but I’m not often kind to myself. Mostly I feel guilty for bringing my daughter, who was planned and wanted, into a life with a mum who was already grieving. But memory is also unkind, because although I now remember it as a difficult time, I know it was also filled with fun, and love, as this photo reminds me. I look deranged, as I probably did that entire year, but my baby looks happy.