Lucy and I have been together for 30 years, and while the sex between us was always great, my libido was a lot higher. The fact that I nearly always had to initiate sex became a source of mild tension but, as repressed Brits, we just muddled through. Until my surgery pushed us both to speak more plainly – about how we’d cope if I did have erectile dysfunction, and what sex meant for us as a couple. In a strange way it gave us a fresh start.